Guest blog by Robin Clinton

After more than a decade working with couples as a psychotherapist, I've found these five rituals can genuinely strengthen a relationship — often meaning far more than material gifts this Valentine's Day.

1.        Your full undivided attention

I see how easily some couples drift apart - not from lack of love, but from lack of attention. We live in a world of constant notifications, external connections, and endless scrolling, where our devices quietly compete with the people we care most about. People aren't giving their partners their full, undivided attention. Why not try carving out a time in the day when you put your phone away, switch off the TV and engage with each other without distractions. Listen to your partner when they talk. Share information about your day and how you felt. These small, screen-free moments send a powerful message: you matter more. This is especially vital for couples with young children, where time and energy are already stretched thin. When parents model presence and connection, they not only strengthen their relationship but also create a calmer, more secure emotional world for their children. If time is short, even ten minutes a day makes a difference. 

2.        Taking accountability

Accountability is one of the most powerful and underrated tools in a relationship. When something feels unresolved, even if it seems small, owning your part can be deeply healing for both of you. Relationships are co-created and what happens between two people rarely is one sided. Own your part. Say sorry. Taking responsibility shows emotional maturity and a willingness to reflect rather than defend. This kind of ownership doesn't weaken you - it builds trust, lowers defensiveness, and invites repair. It can also offer a space where your partner feels safe enough to acknowledge their share. 

Appreciation can quietly fade in long-term relationships, even though it is one of the strongest forces holding couples together. Every individual experiences appreciation differently, and every couple has its own language. Sometimes, appreciation is about making the invisible visible. As an example, saying something like, "I see how much you hold in your head for our family," can land deeply because it acknowledges effort that is rarely recognised. Appreciation in your relationship may be time, touch or words – but what matters most is the way it makes your partner feel.

4.        Being vulnerable

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As a psychotherapist, I often remind couples that vulnerability is not a weakness in a relationship, but one of its strongest foundations. It becomes especially important in moments of conflict, when it's easy to be blinded by emotion and slip into attacking or feeling attacked. Each partner brings a lifetime of experiences into the relationship. Even with deep and meaningful self-work, there can be residual behaviours and defences from past trauma or earlier relationships that shape our reactions and are easily misunderstood. I encourage clients to lead with openness, particularly when repairing a rupture. Communicating their fears, triggers, or old wounds beneath a reaction helps both partners make sense of what happened and reduces misinterpretation. When vulnerability is expressed without blame or weaponisation, it provides emotional safety, deepens trust, and invites genuine closeness back. This will often remind both partners that they are on the same side, even in difficult moments. 

5.        Protecting your relationship

I often invite couples to consciously care for and protect the space between them.

Attention, accountability, appreciation, and vulnerability go a long way in strengthening connection, but protection requires intention. When therapy ends with couples, the work doesn't. I invite them to keep that protected hour and use it intentionally to do something meaningful together.

This may mean guarding a shared ritual or value, even when other invitations or demands compete for your time. It also involves being clear and aligned about what remains private between you and what is appropriate to share with others. When emotional support, validation, or excitement is consistently outsourced, the bond between partners can quietly weaken. Bringing these needs back into the relationship helps maintain closeness and trust. Addressing small issues early, before they grow into larger ones, is one of the most powerful ways couples can safeguard the health and longevity of their connection. 

The author Robyn Clinton is a Registered Psychotherapist.

If you would like to talk to anyone about the issues raised in this blog click here to find a therapist at The Greenhouse Therapy Rooms in Richmond and Chiswick.

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