Breast Cancer awareness month runs in October and we have teamed up with Richmond-based psychotherapist and cancer counsellor Karin Sieger to do just that: raise awareness and increase understanding of the disease. In this article Karin explains how cancer can affect you as a relative or friend of some with cancer.

When someone is diagnosed with cancer, relatives and friends are often the forgotten ones. If that is you, then you will know, that you are also affected by the disease and may require help to cope. But you may also think, that you are not as deserving or as important as the person with cancer.

Well, the impact of cancer on all is very real and to take care of yourself is important. Personally, I have experienced it from both sides, when relatives and friends were diagnosed or died from cancer and when I myself became the patient with cancer.

How do you cope if you are a relative or friend?

Often we don't know what expect. Things can happen so quickly. You may experience a whole mix of emotions including disbelief, sadness, anger, fear and numbness. Different people respond in different ways. Here are just some scenarios:

You may be someone that is used to taking charge and fixing problems. Yet we cannot 'sort out' cancer and make it go away. It can leave us feeling helpless, useless and disempowered.

You may not know what to say or do for the best. Nothing feels right or good enough. There may be friction and frustration.

How and what to tell others (especially older relatives and children)?

If people are diagnosed and treated for cancer during covid restrictions, then you may not even be able to physically meet the person with cancer.

Some may wish they had received the diagnosis instead and can experience survivors guilt. Indeed, some people feel guilty for having cancer, as they know the difficulties this may be causing for their families.

Others may feel they have 'not signed up' for this; that the cancer diagnosis of a relative, partner or friend is going to change everything for them, too. And that's not how they wanted their lives to turn out.

Cancer can change everything - the direction of our lives, people and relationships. The life we had before the diagnosis of a relative or friend may have changed beyond recognition. Even if people don't die from cancer, they may need more care, or the question What if the cancer returns? can linger like a dark cloud. There may also be financial and social implications.

More from Karin Sieger:

Why remission from cancer can still be a difficult time to go through

Coping with a breast cancer diagnosis

October is Breast Cancer awareness month. Why should that matter to you?

Often family and friends ignore their own well-being, when, understandably so, a greater focus is on the care for the person with cancer. You may even feel guilty doing something you enjoy, or carrying on with some personal routines.

Carrying the emotional and mental impact of cancer takes energy and can leave us feeling exhausted, angry, lacking motivation, isolated and worried about the uncertainty of it all, sad and bereft and sometimes lost.

Coming together and sharing our thoughts and feelings can go a long way. But it can also prove difficult or impossible to do, because we may not want to worry others, or we are afraid that facing up to it all can make things a lot worse.

Asking for help and assistance is not a sign of weakness. Equally, focusing on self care is not selfish. It can help you to keep well, which will be of benefit to the one you are worried for.

Staying positive is easier said than done. Talking about how you feel with someone independent can help. Many hospitals do provide psychological support. Here is a list of organisations that supports families affected by childhood cancers and more. You can also find help online on websites like Macmillan Cancer Support, Breast Cancer Now and many more.

Worried about breast cancer? Here is a useful article and video to help you check your breasts regularly. If you have any concerns, then do get in touch with your GP.

[i]Karin Sieger is a psychotherapist and cancer counsellor based in Richmond who offers support online across the UK and beyond. She has been diagnosed with breast cancer twice. For more information visit Karin's website